We all love to be in relationships. But the truth of the matter is that not every relationship will be healthy in the long run. Some relationships can be very harmful. You may be in a toxic relationship but you won’t know.

In this article, we are going to examine why it is difficult for people to realize that they are in a toxic relationship.

The love between you both is head over heels

They say “Love is blind.” This statement is very true. Because you love your partner, it will be very difficult to make sound and rational decisions. And you never want to admit that he is the wrong person even if your intuition is telling you the fact.

The chemistry between you both is very strong

Another reason why it may be so difficult for you to realize that you in a toxic relationship id the chemistry between you both which you have been able to build over the months or years. And it has been built on a solid foundation so much so that no one can easily fight to break the relationship.

Because he is the best person you have ever met

Weeks after you met him, things began to change for the better. He always complimented you. You won his respect and he made his way into your heart. And now, do you think it is possible to quickly conclude that you are in a toxic relationship even if your friends are telling you that?

You think it is normal to fight

True in a relationship, it is right to fight. But are you fighting for love, compassion, and respect for each other? Couples who love each other and want to remain in relationships don’t fight dirty. They don’t fight to inflict pain.

Work hard to resolve the problem you have with your partner so that it won’t escalate to a state of no solution.

“Money can’t buy happiness.” We’ve all heard this sentence (and others like it) countless times before, seen it printed on motivational posters and ascribed to various celebrities and philosophers. But do any of us truly, genuinely believe it?

For most people, the answer is a resounding no. In simple and obvious ways, we all need money for everything from fulfilling basic needs necessary for survival to making our wildest dreams come true.

But making money should not be the one overarching goal in life, overshadowing everything else we have going on.

Money is a means to an end

When most people visualize a seven-, eight- or even nine-figure net worth, they aren’t thinking of the money itself: The real value of money is what you can do with it. In truth, money itself is rarely the end goal.

We need money to make many of our objectives a reality. Whether these objectives are of the real estate kind, material goods, or experiences — like travelling the world — money is going to be a necessary factor for making them happen.

When people talk of money being a means to an end rather than an end goal, this is the underlying idea. We shouldn’t be focusing solely on the act of making profits, but also on using these assets to shape our lives and others in ways that make us happier and more fulfilled. Making a large amount of money takes an enormous amount of effort for most of us – but doing so with a specific intention in mind will make the road to achieving our goals more fulfilling.

Life is short

It’s a cliché, but we all know it’s true. Though we do our best to ignore it, the truth is that our lives could be cut short at any moment, as could those of our loved ones.

It’s important to have goals in life and plans for the future, money-related or otherwise, but this can’t prevent us from living in the present. Not all dreams and goals have to be set somewhere far off in the distant future for “when I’m rich,” “when I’m CEO” or “when I’ve retired.” Setting the goal of enjoying the present on your way to the future won’t distract you from working towards what you want to achieve.

For the same reason, amassing money for the sake of amassing money will not bring you life satisfaction in itself. You should be fully aware of the health of your finances and have a hefty reserve of funds, but remember to take advantage of it while you can. Even if you’re saving up for a larger expenditure, like a retirement fund or a new house, don’t be afraid to spend money on things you want and experiences that enrich your life, here and now.

Beware of burnout

Burnout is considered to be an occupational phenomenon – it refers to a state of physical, mental, and/or emotional exhaustion caused specifically by work-related stress. It’s a problem common and serious enough to have earned an entry in the International Classification of Diseases. A 2020 survey found that nearly two-thirds of full-time workers are dealing with burnout at some point while at work.

Of course burnout might be caused by factors other than excessive focus on income: Many jobs, such as healthcare or law enforcement, involve intense psychological pressure that could be overwhelming. But if your sole focus in life is to make more money, you run the risk of losing regard for your health and wellbeing, eventually becoming unable to continue your pursuit.

Introducing other goals into your life – unrelated to making money – will, at the very least, give you some breathing space and a way to unwind and find satisfaction in other areas of your life. Exercise goals, for instance, will put you in better shape – all while providing a release from work-related stress. Working towards family and relationship goals will ease the emotional tension you build up at work.

It’s important to ensure that we have something in our lives that’s just as important as our businesses or careers so that there’s at least one more source of positive affirmation. Values and goals unrelated to money-making provide healthy ways of dealing with the stresses and pressures of our professional lives, lowering the risk of burnout and preventing us from turning to damaging coping mechanisms like drugs or alcohol.

And at the end of the day, even at the most practical level, you’ll want to be in a good physical and mental shape to take advantage of the opportunities that the money you’ve earned can give you. If you drive yourself into a rut trying constantly to maximize your income, you won’t be able to enjoy the rewards.

Happiness can only come from the fulfilment of what we need and want. The problem is that we usually don’t know what we want or need. We often think that we do, but in reality we may have our priorities wrong. With that said, does money make you happy? My answer is yes to some extent — money can buy freedom and experiences, which in turn lead to happiness.

When it comes to the weight loss battle, your biggest enemy is usually yourself. There is a mental battle that rages in all of us daily that can be like a swift kick to the stomach! Over the years, one thing I’ve learned from working with new clients is almost all of their weight issues start between their ears. In fact, many of them had great exercise/nutrition programs but weren’t able to implement it due to their terrible mindset. They eventually came to realize that they are constantly berating or degrading themselves – everyday. Do these thoughts sound familiar?

“I can’t lose weight – it’s too hard! I’m destined to be overweight. This is my life!”

This basically leads to the “you are what you think you are” truth. Although easier said than done, it’s time to drop this terrible mental baggage that has been weighing you down. Here are 7 negative weight loss mindsets that you need to overcome!

1. Right Here, Right Now

“I really want to lose 15 pounds…. in less than 2 weeks!”
“Who has time to do it the right way? I want this weight gone now!”

The bottom line: In all seriousness: how do you expect to lose the weight that has taken you months or years to gain in a matter of days? It’s going to take time!  It usually takes at least four weeks for you to notice small changes in your body and even up to eight weeks for your friends and family to notice these changes! Trust me, four weeks can fly by. Take your weight loss plan four weeks at a time!

2. I Need the Magic Pill

“Exercise or take a pill? Hmmm seems like an easy choice?”
“I cure my colds with a pill, surely there has to be an easy solution for losing all of this weight!”

The bottom line: Yes, with the fad diets out there you may be able to lose weight quickly, but at what cost? What’s the point of losing 10 pounds in a few days only to regain it and more in 2 weeks? This is the weight yo-yo that occurs when sustainable practices aren’t used. We need to lose weight the sustainable way by teaching ourselves how to live a healthy, gentle lifestyle.

3. I Can’t Do It

“I’ve tried twice before and failed – it’s no use!”
“I simply can’t do it. It’s way too hard for someone like me to do. I’ve always failed!

The bottom line: There isn’t another excuse out there that will annoy your trainer more than this nonsense. Simply put, you can honestly do anything you put your mind to! You see the people that lose weight and you wish you could be like them. Well guess what? They were exactly like you at one point – they simply took action and made changes in their lives. Stand up, take action, make health changes, and take your life back!

4. I’ll Start Next Week

“Since it’s already Wednesday I’ll splurge all week and then start on Monday!
“Just 3 more cookies – it doesn’t matter anyways, I’m starting to watch my diet next week!”

The bottom line: We’ve all used this one at one time or another – it’s an easy to make excuse. But seriously, you need to start making changes today! Not even massive changes, just small changes that add up to healthy habits and big results. Drop those terrible excuses today. Today you can start learning, failing, overcoming, changing, and making a huge change in your life!

5. I Don’t Know What to Do

 “Nutrition and calorie deficits are hard. I have no idea what to do!”
“What’s “HIIT session” for that matter? I’ll just stick to the treadmill!”

The bottom line: In the grand scheme of things, this excuse at face-value looks pretty valid. Maybe so before the explosion of the internet, but today there are literally hundreds of thousands of workouts you can view for free online – for instance here! Find one that you think would be great for you, mimic the moves, and learn as you go – the same goes for nutrition. There is so much great information out there that can help you get started today!

6. I Must Always Be Hunger to Be Losing Weight

“The diet isn’t working if I’m not starving!”
“I lost a few pounds on my 1750 calorie diet. If I drop it below 1000 calories a day, I’ll lose even more!”

The bottom line: This is a pretty dangerous mentality that you must overcome. In reality, a small daily calorie deficit is all that you need to start losing weight sustainable. Meaning you need to slightly burn more calories than you take in. Get this: a small 100 daily calorie deficit can lead to 36,500 fewer calories a year. This adds up to over 10 pounds worth of calories a year! Not only that, when you are on a severe calories restriction your body works against you in order to actually slow your weight loss down.

7. Go Hard or Go Home

“They basically workout until they puke on the Biggest Loser – I should do the same!”
“You aren’t doing it right if you aren’t in pain!”

The bottom line: This common negative weight loss mentality occurs to most beginners – they try to mimic what they see on TV. The danger for beginners is that you have a relatively low exercise capacity, so pushing yourself so hard so early can potentially result in injury or quitting the program. Who in their right mind would want to stay on a program that not only made you so sore you couldn’t move for 3 days but also required you to puke each time? I’m definitely out on that program! Instead start slow and slowly increase your intensity as you increase your exercise capacity!

Wrap-Up

Seriously guys, the stuff we tell ourselves everyday is mind-boggling. We tell ourselves crap that we would never even tell anyone else to their face! What’s worse, as a trainer I see the amazing things everyone is capable of doing but the only thing holding them back is their mindset! It’s not your job, it’s not your friends, it’s not even your finances – it’s your mind!

The potential that you have is staggering – just stand up, take action, and start moving forward. Not next month, not next week, not tomorrow, but today! So let’s stop telling ourselves that we aren’t good enough. Let’s break free from this crappy mental baggage and see how far we really can go!

Shredding the pounds can prove to be a daunting task for many individuals. Innumerable hours of grinding in the gym with the result of dropping a couple of kilos can certainly be discouraging. But with the appropriate diet, you can amplify these small numbers of weight loss to reach your desired goal.

An essential ingredient that you can look up to lose weight is protein. A high protein diet not only aids in building muscle mass but also assists in reducing appetite and burning fat, which in turn leads to weight loss.

A protein-rich meal ensures that an individual remains full for more extended periods while providing the energy necessary to function throughout the day. Meat and nuts are a rich source of protein.

Additionally, protein powders are specially designed for people who wish to build muscle mass and lose weight during the process. The protein present in these protein powders is extracted from highly concentrated plant or dairy-based sources and incorporate other ingredients that are vital for weight loss.

Now, the question at large is: what is the best protein powder for weight loss and how to choose and use one?

What To Consider Before Purchasing Any Protein Powder

I made here a comprehensive list of protein powders that will massively help you with your goals. But before you go to your local vendor to buy one, you have to keep in mind certain things.

There are a few factors that you must keep in mind while purchasing a protein powder. Here are some of the important factors to assist you in buying the best protein powder for weight loss that will suit your needs.

1. Potential Dietary Restrictions

There is no single best protein powder for weight loss that fits everyone because we all have different dietary restrictions. When going for a protein powder, ensure that you keep in mind all the dietary restrictions that you have imposed upon yourself.

If you are vegan, select a protein powder that contains protein solely extracted from plants such as soy, hemp, or pea rather than opting for milk-based protein powders such as whey.

Furthermore, individuals who have diabetes should purchase a protein powder that doesn’t contain added sugar in it. It is also recommended for such individuals to select a protein powder that has low carb content.

People with kidney diseases would find it immensely difficult to absorb a large amount of protein in a single serving. Therefore, a lower-range protein content protein powder is recommended for such people.

2. Reading the Label

You must read the label of the protein powder that you think is appropriate for you.

Reading the name of the protein powder will give you a general sense of clarity as to what that particular product offers – whether it is a milk-based or a plant-based protein powder, whether it would it be suitable to your weight loss needs, whether it contains any artificial sweeteners or not, and whether it includes creatine or not.

Thus, reading the label will nudge you on the right path while buying a protein powder.

3. Serving Size

Serving size is another important factor you should consider before purchasing a protein powder. Every protein powder incorporates a scoop that is calibrated to the nutritional content label on the container.

As far as the size of the scoop is concerned, it varies from brand to brand. As I’ve said, there is no single best protein powder for weight loss. Choosing the best one depends mainly on your goals. Therefore, you should purchase a protein powder that satisfies your weight loss requirements.

4. Experiment With a Blend

Go for a protein powder that embodies a blend of high-quality proteins, like casein, whey, and soy, as they contain all the nine crucial amino acids.

The incorporation of these amino acids is quite essential for our bodies as they boost the muscle mass gain factor. The inclusion of soy protein is quite vital as it massively aids in recovery after a rigorous workout session, whereas the addition of whey and casein protein proves to be quite crucial to increase the protein synthesis; which in turn increases muscle mass.

Thus, purchasing a protein powder that contains all the proteins mentioned above would help your cause.

5. Sodium

Sodium, if taken in excess, can lead to increased blood pressure and can also elevate the risk of heart-related issues. Although the incorporation of sodium in a protein powder tends to increase the muscle gain factor and assists in weight loss, you are likely putting yourself at risk if you purchase a protein powder with a high sodium rating.

A study showed that out of 50 protein supplements, 47 had a high Sodium content. Thus, to be on the safe side, purchase a protein powder with low sodium content.

6. Calories

Calorie intake is undoubtedly an essential factor to consider when purchasing a protein powder. Your main goal of working out is to shred those extra pounds that you have put on.

To achieve your goal, you must decrease your caloric intake and burn more calories throughout the day. Therefore, you should intake food that is low in calories.

As far as the protein powder is concerned, its sole aim is to provide you with the protein that you lack in your everyday diet. Go for a protein powder that is low in calories.

7. Other Nutrients

Go for a protein powder that doesn’t contain additives such as creatine, taurine, BCAAs, glycine, and many more. These are high-nitrogen amino acids whose incorporation makes a protein powder littered with junk and is of no use.

When purchasing a protein powder, make sure that it doesn’t contain the additives mentioned above as they can contaminate the protein content present in the product. Therefore, opt for a protein supplement that contains no additional additives whatsoever.

10 Best Protein Powder for Weight Loss

The following is an all-inclusive list of the best protein powders out there. If you are looking for the best protein powder for weight loss, this list has you covered.

1. RSP AvoCollagen

RSP AvoCollagen is one of the top protein powders for weight loss and it has the following unique features:

• Incorporates 10 grams hydrolyzed collagen peptides
• Includes fats that assist in collagen production
• Promotes flexibility and enhances recovery
• Supports healthy growth of bones, hair, and nails
• A 20 grams scoop is included with 20 servings per container.

Pros

• The powdered content remains mixed when shaken once.
• Improves skin after minimal use
• Tastes great

Cons

• Some consumers had issues while mixing the powder.
• Few people found that this product didn’t suppress their appetites.
• Some people didn’t like the smell of it.

 Learn more about RSP AvoCollagen.

2. 100% Grass Fed Whey Protein

100% Grass Fed Whey Protein, another healthy protein powder for weight loss, has the following salient features:   

• Incorporates 25 grams Protein, 5.9 grams BCAAs vital for building lean muscle and lose weight
• Undergoes micro-filtration to curb bioactivity
• Does not contain any fillers
• Protein present is mixed with less than 1% Non-GMO sunflower lecithin. Thus, it blends perfectly.
• Mixes well with 12oz of unsweetened almond milk

Pros

• It elevates your energy levels.
• It is easily digestible.
• It contains no additives or preservatives.

Cons

• Some individuals don’t like the taste of the powder.
• A user indicated that the product contains a high amount of lecithin.
• Some people suffered from diarrhea after intaking the product.

Learn more about 100% Grass Fed Whey Protein.

3. RSP TrueFit

RSP TrueFit, one of the best protein powders for fat loss, brings the following features to the table:

• Incorporates 25 grams grass-fed whey protein and 5 grams BCAAs
• Includes 1 billion CFU Probiotics
• It contains 12 Non-GMO vegetables and fruits, and 8 grams prebiotic fiber from sweet potato fiber.
• Embodies 2-4 grams quality fats extracted from naturally occurring MCT oil and Whey
• Tastes delicious when a scoop is mixed with a banana and a cup of milk

Pros

• Mixes instantly when shaken
• Boosts energy levels straightaway after consumption
• Works as a cost-effective meal replacement protein supplement

Cons

• Some consumers experienced lousy aftertaste after consumption.
• A few users experienced no change as far as curbing the appetite was concerned.
• The new version of the product contains minimal vitamins and minerals.

Learn more about RSP TrueFit.

4. Orgain

Orgain has cemented its legacy as a prominent protein powder for weight loss. The following are some of its salient attributes:

• Incorporates 1.59lbs Orgain Plant-Based Protein Powder
• Includes 21 grams of organic plant-based protein and 5 grams of natural dietary fiber per serving
• It does not contain gluten, lactose, additional sugar, and artificial ingredients.
• Embodies 3 grams of net carbs and 150 calories per serving
• Tastes best when blended with unsweetened almond milk, half banana, and 2 tablespoons organic almond butter

Pros

• It immediately tends to lose food cravings.
• It contains fiber that significantly aids in digestion.
• The powder blends well in smoothies.

Cons

• Caused bloating and stomach-ache in some users
• Some people detested its aftertaste.
• The inclusion of Erythritol can cause nausea.

Learn more about Orgain.

5. Isopure Low Carb

Isopure Low Carb is a good protein powder for weight loss that has the following features:

• Includes a protein source that provides 25 grams of protein per serving, contains Zinc
• It does not contain any GMO.
• Suppresses the use of artificial sweeteners and colors
• Massively aids in supporting ketogenic macros contain 120 calories per serving
• Tastes well when a scoop of powder is mixed with milk and some powdered peanut butter

Pros

• It contains low carbohydrate content.
• Mixes quite well with a shaker or spoon
• It contains no Stevia and has no weird aftertaste.

Cons

• One user noticed dense powdered grains in the container.
• A user complained about the unpleasant smell of the powder.
• This product isn’t KETO friendly.

Learn more about Isopure Low Carb.

6. NUTIVA

• It contains 10 grams of raw organic protein and 12 grams of fiber.
• Manufactured from raw hemp seed
• It does not contain trans fat and saturated fat.
• The protein incorporated in this supplement is high Omega 3 fats and antioxidants.
• Tastes well when mixed with 8 ounces of vanilla almond milk and a ripe banana

Pros

• It contains hemp that suppresses appetite.
• Includes fiber in bulk
• Massively aids in providing energy and boosts confidence levels

Cons

• Some people complained about the packaging of this product.
• Some users had issues with the taste of the hemp.
• A few consumers complained about the supplement as being too overpriced.

Learn more about Nutiva.

7. Amazing Grass

• Incorporates 20 grams of protein extracted from organic pea, quinoa, hemp, and chia
• It contains 7 alkalizing greens. 4 carbs, 9 nutrient-dense fruits, and veggies, 3 grams of fiber, and less than a gram of sugar.
• It does not contain GMOs. It is gluten-free, dairy-free, and grain-free.
• Does not have additional sugar
• Tastes exceptionally delicious when one scoop is mixed with 3 teaspoons of peanut butter powder and vanilla almond milk

Pros

• The inclusion of numerous ingredients in this protein powder proves to be quite beneficial.
• Extremely palatable
• It leaves a pleasant, long-lasting aftertaste.

Cons

• Includes Stevia which dampens the taste for some consumers.
• Some people complained about the powder being tasteless.
• A few individuals complained about the quantity of the supplement when it arrived.

Learn more about Amazing Grass.

8. PROMIX Unflavored Micellar

• Supplies slow release of amino acids for a prolonged protein boost
• It contains no carbs or fat.
• Provides 25 grams of high molecular weight Casein Protein
• It does not include any GMO, soy, gluten, or additives.
• Tastes well when mixed with almond milk or coffee

Pros

• Blends effortlessly even in cold water
• It comes in a high-quality container.
• It comes in handy while baking casein cookies.

Cons

• Some people complained about the supplement having a terrible aftertaste.
• A few customers complained about the powder getting lumpy when wet.
• It is known to raise blood sugar levels in some diabetic individuals.

Learn more about PROMIX Unflavored Micellar.

9. NOW Sports Pea Protein

• Incorporates 24 grams of protein per serving
• A single serving includes 4,200 mg of BCAAs and more than 2000 mg of arginine.
• It does not contain any artificial sweeteners or GMOs.
• Kosher, dairy-free, soy-free, and steroid-free
• It tastes delicious with the addition of banana, along with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter and maple syrup in milk.

Pros

• Worth the money
• It does not include any dairy-by-products, like whey or casein.
• The powder is soft and well-chafed. Thus, it blends quite effortlessly.

Cons

• Some people experienced discomfort after consumption.
• An individual complained about plastic shards being in the powder.
• Some consumers had issues with the taste of the supplement and deemed it as “horrendous”.

Learn more about NOW Sports Pea Protein.

10. Ascent Native Fuel Micellar Casein

• Dramatically aids in the prevention of muscle loss
• It contains 25 grams of protein and 11 grams of naturally occurring BCAAs per serving.
• Suppresses the use of artificial ingredients
• Explicitly manufactured to assist in muscle recovery. Takes up to 6-8 hours to digest completely; thus, suppresses appetite
• Tastes tremendously delicious when mixed with 5oz of almond milk along with banana and 1 tablespoon of peanut butter or maple syrup

Pros

• Helps to curb late-night snacking
• Goes well with water
• It can also be consumed as a pudding.

Cons

• Some people had issues with the blending of the powder.
• Some users complained about the taste being too “chemical”.
• A few consumers had issues with the consistency of the product.

Learn more about Ascent Native Fuel Micellar Casein.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Is Real Food Better Than Protein Powder?

Protein shakes work best for an individual who has a hectic schedule. They are a convenient alternative to a proper meal as they are a rich source of high-quality protein. Therefore, a protein supplement would work just as well as a meal, if not better.

2. Will Protein Powder Become Denatured If It’s Cooked?

The particles of a protein supplement will denature when they are cooked. But consuming denatured protein isn’t bad for our body. In fact, the protein content of the denatured powder remains the same. Thus, cooked or not, our body absorbs the protein, nonetheless.

3. Will A Higher Protein Diet Harm My Kidneys?

A high protein diet can be quite harmful to a person who is suffering from kidney-related diseases. If an individual does not suffer from any particular kidney disease, then intaking high-protein meals won’t harm their kidneys.

Final Thoughts

I jotted down this guide to help you find the best protein powder for weight loss that fits your health and lifestyle. If you go through this guide, you would surely be able to select the best protein supplement out there more easily.

This guide does not only help you buy the best product in the market but also assist you in purchasing a product that fulfills your requirement.

What differentiates those who are successful from those who are not? There are lots of ways to approach that question, but one of the most powerful is also one of the most simple.

It’s a matter of habits. In business and in life, if you truly want to succeed, there are some habits that work and there are other habits that never should be repeated.

If you’re not as successful as you want to be and you know you can do better, copy the habits of those who are successful.

Just as important, eliminate any of your own habits that are holding you back. Here are seven top candidates–habits that successful people never allow:

Believing you can please everyone.

Once you truly understand that it’s impossible to please everyone, you learn not to even bother trying. It’s nothing but a recipe for disaster, misery and frustration–and one of the biggest keys to failure.

Repeating what didn’t work the first time.

Whether it’s in business, a job, or a relationship, successful people do not repeat the same mistakes. If it didn’t work the first time, they don’t try again expecting a different result. Successful people know that mistakes are for learning, not for repeating.

Accepting short-term contentment over long-term value.

Successful people know that things take time, and it’s the daily grind that in the end will get them to their dreams. It’s the small painful steps you go through day by day that will benefit you in the future. If you can make it through the pain you will get to the gain.

Compromising themselves to fit in.

Successful people never try to adjust themselves to fit in to the crowd. They understand that who they are is what they are, and they don’t try to change themselves for others. The bad news is that if you want to succeed, you are not going to fit in with everyone. The good news is that the great ones never do.

Trusting something that looks too good to be true.

No matter how great something looks on the surface, successful people do their due diligence and make sure that what they are looking at has actual value and is worthy of their time. They know that when something looks too good to be true, it probably is.

Taking their eyes off their vision.

One trait virtually all successful people share is focus. They never take their eyes off their visions, dreams and goals; they do what they need to do and they do it with meticulous determination. People who are successful know where they are going, and because they do, they succeed. It’s as simple as that.

Disconnecting appearances and reality.

Who you are on the inside should be what is reflected on the outside. The moment there is a disconnect between the two, there is dis-ease within yourself. Success requires that you bring all parts of who you are–inside and out–and that you keep everything in sync. It isn’t easy, but the people who are most successful never fragment themselves to be successful.

Start today to examine your own habits, determine what’s leading you toward success and what’s in the way, and make the changes you need to–for the sake of your future.

How do we define success? There are many different tactics for how to be successful in life, but the strategy that works best for you may depend on your view of success itself. We often think of it as doing well at work or earning a high salary.

While professional accomplishments can be one piece of the puzzle, it leaves out many other important areas of life. Family, romantic relationships, academics, and athletics are just a few areas where people may strive for success. Your individual definition of what success is may vary, but many might define it as being fulfilled, happy, safe, healthy, and loved.

It is the ability to reach your goals in life, whatever those goals may be. So what can you do to boost your chances of achieving these things? What are some of the habits of successful people?

There is no single right way to be successful. What works for you might not work for someone else. There may not be a perfect combination of ingredients that can guarantee success, but there are some basic steps you can follow that can improve your chances of being successful in life, love, work, or whatever happens to be important to you.

Build a Growth Mindset

Research by psychologist Carol Dweck suggests that there are two basic mindsets that influence how people think about themselves and their abilities: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.1

People who possess a fixed mindset believe that things such as intelligence are static and unchangeable. Those with a fixed mindset believe that success isn’t a result of hard work—it’s simply a consequence of innate talents.

Because they believe that such talents are something people are either born with or without, they tend to give up more easily in the face of a challenge. They quit when things do not come easily because they believe that they lack the inborn skill needed to excel.

Those who have a growth mindset, on the other hand, feel that they can change, grow, and learn through effort. People who believe that they are capable of growth are more likely to achieve success. When things get tough, they look for ways to improve their skills and keep working toward success.

What can you do to build a growth mindset?

• Believe that your efforts matter. Rather than thinking their abilities are fixed or stuck, people who have a growth mindset believe that effort and hard work can lead to meaningful growth.
• Learn new skills. When faced with a challenge, they look for ways to develop the knowledge and skills that they need to overcome and triumph.
• View failures as learning experiences. People with growth mindsets don’t believe that failure is a reflection of their abilities. Instead, they view it as a valuable source of experience from which they can learn and improve. “That didn’t work,” they might think, “so this time I’ll try something a little different.”

Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

Overall intelligence has long been believed to be one factor contributing to success in different areas of life, but some experts suggest that emotional intelligence may actually matter even more.2 Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand, utilize, and reason with emotions. Emotionally intelligent people are able to understand not only their own emotions, but those of others as well.

To improve your emotional intelligence:

• Pay attention to your own emotions. Focus on identifying what you are feeling and what is causing those feelings.
• Manage your emotions. Step back and try to view things with an impartial eye. Avoid bottling up or repressing your feelings, but look for healthy and appropriate ways of dealing with what you are feeling.
• Listen to others. This not only involves hearing what they are saying, but also paying attention to nonverbal signals and body language.

Develop Mental Toughness

Mental toughness refers to the resilience to carry on and continue trying even in the face of obstacles.3 People who possess this mental strength see challenges as opportunities. They also feel that they have control over their own destiny, are confident in their abilities to succeed, and are committed to finishing what they start.

What can you do to improve your mental toughness and increase your chances of being successful in life?

• Believe in yourself. Cut out negative self-talk and look for ways to stay positive and self-encouraging.
• Keep trying. Even when things seem impossible or setbacks keep holding you back, focus on ways that you can develop your skills and keep soldiering forward. One of the key habits of successful people is to always look at setbacks or failures as learning opportunities.
• Set goals. Mentally tough people know that in order to achieve, they need to start by having attainable goals. These goals are not necessarily easy to reach, but by having something to aim for, you will be better able to move forward and overcome obstacles.
• Find support. Doing things alone can be difficult, but having a strong support system can make things easier. Mentors, friends, co-workers, and family members can cheer you on when things get tough, and even offer advice and assistance that can help you improve your chances for success.

Strengthen Your Willpower

In a long-running longitudinal study, psychologists followed a group of children who were identified by their teachers as highly intelligent. As they compared how these subjects fared throughout childhood and into adulthood, researchers found that those who ultimately were the most successful in life shared some key characteristics, including perseverance and willpower.

These characteristics tend to be part of an individual’s overall personality, but they are also something you can improve. Delayed gratification, learning to persist in the face of challenges, and waiting for the rewards of your hard work can often be the key to success in life.

Strategies you can use to improve your willpower include:

• Distraction. For example, if you are trying to lose weight but are having a difficult time staying away from your favorite snacks, distracting yourself during your moments of weakness can be an effective way to avoid giving in to temptation.
• Practice. Willpower is something you can build, but it takes time and effort. Start by making small goals that require will power to achieve, such as avoiding sugary snacks. As you build your ability to use your will power to achieve such small goals, you may find that your willpower is also stronger when working on much larger goals.

Focus on Intrinsic Motivations

What is it that motivates you the most? Do you find that the promise of external rewards keeps you reaching for your goals, or is it the more personal, intrinsic motivators that keep you feeling inspired? While extrinsic rewards such as money, awards, and praise can be helpful, many people find that they are most motivated when they are doing things for personal satisfaction.

If you are doing things because you enjoy them, because you find them meaningful, or because you enjoy seeing the effects of your work, then you are driven by intrinsic motivations. Research has shown that while incentives can be a better predictor of some types of performance, intrinsic motivators tend to be better at predicting performance quality.5

What can you do to boost your sense of intrinsic motivation?

• Challenge yourself. Pursuing a goal that is achievable, but not necessarily easy, is a great way to increase motivation to succeed. Challenges can keep you interested in a task, improve your self-esteem, and offer feedback on areas you can improve on. Choosing a task that is slightly challenging will help motivate you to get started—it feels exciting!
• Stay curious. Look for things that grab your attention and that you would like to learn more about.
• Take control. It can be difficult to stay intrinsically motivated to pursue a goal if you don’t feel that you have any real influence over the outcome. Look for ways that you can take an active role.
• Don’t fear competition. There might be other people out there trying to reach the same goals as you, but this doesn’t mean that you should give up. Don’t compare your progress or journey to anyone else’s. You can look to others for motivation and inspiration, but remember that we all have different paths.

Nurture Traits Linked to High Potential

Psychologists have long attempted to link specific traits or personality characteristics to success in life and work. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is one widely used assessment that is often utilized by businesses to screen job candidates. However, research often fails to show that the MBTI actually correlates to performance.6

According to some more recent research, there are certain traits that tend to be consistently tied to success.7 Researchers Ian MacRae and Adrian Furnham have identified six key traits that can play a role in how well people do at work.8

However, they note that there are optimal levels of these traits. Too little of these characteristics can hinder success, but so can having too much.

If you are trying to learn how to be successful in life,There is no single measure of success, and certainly no single answer for how to be successful in life. Yet by looking at some of the habits of successful people, you can learn new tactics and strategies to implement in your own daily life. Cultivate and nurture these abilities, and over time you may find that you are better able to reach your goals and achieve the success you want in life.

There’s a popular saying that, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.  That might be the case but darlings, have you tried figuring out a woman’s silence? It is a job in futility and except that woman in question tells you what’s bugging her, you just might spend precious hours wondering what has gotten her panties in a twist.

While there are lots of situations whereby a lady might just decide to hold her peace, there are some common instances when she might be propelled to remain silent rather than venting.

She’s had enough

If that woman is at the end of her rope and she can’t put up with you any longer, her silence should let on that fact quickly enough. Just know she’s planning ways to get away with murder in her mind.

Contentment

Oh well, that woman might just be feeling waves of contentment and happiness ebb around her, and this time she chooses to enjoy and contain the flow without announcing it to all and sundry. Even a certified nag would hold her peace when her grievances are resolved.

She doesn’t think it’s worth the effort to explain herself

While some ladies would drag out an argument until they feel a sense of justification, others don’t see the need to let on their opinions the moment they feel the other person has a made-up mind already.

Setting a positive, productive tone for the day is all about giving yourself time to get your wits together. Prepare for your entry into the work arena, if you want to win there.The difference between successful people and everyone else is the way they utilize time. With only so many hours in a day, you need to maximize those hours. The best of the best are up early and getting to work before their peers have rolled out of bed. So, what are the top five habits of successful people before 8 am?

Use a real alarm clock

You might look at this tip and wonder what difference it really makes. A real alarm clock forces you to get out of bed. For example, if you use your phone as an alarm clock all you have to do is reach over and press the screen. Unsurprisingly, most people take five more minutes.

But if the alarm clock is on the other side of the room, you’re forced to get out of bed. Furthermore, using a real alarm clock discourages you from checking social media and wasting precious time.

Take some time to breathe

Successful people don’t leap out of bed and head for the computer. They understand the importance of reducing stress and relaxing. More often than not, they’re the people enjoying a cup of coffee or reading a book before they get started with the day’s work.

Rituals like this will enable you to clear your head and get yourself in the right state of mind for the day ahead.

Set out your clothes the night before

Setting out your clothes for the next day is a sign of an organized mind. It means the next day is going to be all about what you’re going to do, rather than focusing on trivial matters. This will save you time the next day and enable you to maximize every single minute.

Get in a workout

Fitness is important for your health. Successful people prioritize a workout for another reason, though. Exercise is scientifically proven to get those endorphins racing. Endorphins are the happy drugs that your brain produces in certain circumstances, and one of them is exercise.

It doesn’t have to be a sweaty, exhausting workout. It could involve some gentle minutes on an exercise bike, a short jog, or a yoga session. Find something that works for you.

Read something you enjoy

We mentioned earlier how successful people tend to read when they get up early. They don’t watch TV or catch up on work emails. Reading gets the brain working, and it improves comprehension. But reading something negative or something boring, such as that email from your boss, sets a tone for the day.

Consider starting off the day with a self-improvement book or something that you can learn from. For example, if you’re interested in financial news start with that.

We mentioned earlier how successful people tend to read when they get up early. They don’t watch TV or catch up on work emails. Reading gets the brain working, and it improves comprehension. But reading something negative or something boring, such as that email from your boss, sets a tone for the day.

Consider starting off the day with a self-improvement book or something that you can learn from. For example, if you’re interested in financial news start with that.

Most of the time we tend to take the many good things in life for granted and fail to count our blessings. Instead, we focus on the unpleasantness of life and turn bitter with discontent. But the fact remains that we think we’ve got it all bad until we take a peek into the unfortunate predicament of others, hence the need to appreciate even the simple things in life before they get snatched out of our hands.

Good health

It would shock you speechless when you discover the truckload of money some folks spend just to stabilize their health. If you’re lucky enough to have a healthy family or affordable medical care, consider yourself not just lucky but blessed.

Education

In this part of the country where quality education comes at a high price, and also acts as a determinant that could make or mar your future. Having access to it is a huge privilege when you consider folks in impoverished countries who don’t have the luxury of enrolling their wards in school.

Loving family

Before you accuse members of your family as being overbearing or overprotective, take a minute to consider the fate of millions of orphans who don’t get to receive the doting care and attention of a family of theirs. Don’t take these things for granted, learn to be thankful for family who loves you and stand by you.

The 21st century is the century of comfort. Technology is determined to give us everything we need and want for little money and little effort and deliver it instantly.

An unwanted side effect of this is that the very comfort we worked so hard for as a species is starting to trap us as individuals. Comfort wants to kill your dreams.

In a world of Amazon, Deliveroo, Netflix, Spotify, Airbnb, Uber, and Tinder, no one wants to do things the hard way. Why should we? Well, we should, because comfort and happiness are not the same things.

If anything, comfort often reduces how happy attaining something makes you, even if you really want the end result — the partner, the car, the promotion, the tasty meal. Half the reason that getting these things makes you happy in the first place is that you have to become someone else, taking action to reach them.

Comfort cuts the human transformation out of the process of achieving goals and thus removes us from ourselves. It gives us less room to be human.

So when we’re not willing to sacrifice comfort now for greatness later, when we expect everything in life to come fast, cheap, and easy, we’re setting ourselves up for misery. We don’t have to give up all of our comfort and we can wade out of it one inch at a time, but we must leave a lot of it behind eventually.

If you’re not willing to take a walk, you’ll never run a marathon. If you’re not willing to write one sentence, you’ll never publish a book. If you’re not willing to work from a crappy cafe, you’ll never have your own office.

If you’re not willing to eat a carrot, you’ll never get used to a better diet. If you’re not willing to do one pushup, you’ll never feel strong. If you’re not willing to ask for a date, you’ll never have a loving relationship.

If you’re not willing to send out a tweet, you’ll never build things people love. If you’re not willing to save a dollar, you’ll never feel financially safe. If you’re not willing to buy a train ticket, you’ll never see the world.

Most of all, if you’re not willing to feel uncomfortable, you’ll never be happy — because discomfort is part of the formula for happiness.

You Spend All Your Time Building Castles in the Sky

When we were 20, my best friend and I would spend our Friday nights getting dressed up, going to restaurants, bars, and clubs, and talking about our great ideas or celebrating ourselves for having them.

We had hundreds of startup ideas. We saw so many problems and potential ways to solve them. Except we never did a single thing that was of actual value to anyone. We never solved a real problem for a real person, and we never turned any of our ideas into reality.

If we drove past a guy picking up trash from the street, that guy had done more for the world than we would all night. A lot of 20-somethings are like this. They’re smart. They have a lot of energy. They have new, unspoiled perspectives, and a lot of them could have real merit in solving many challenges.

What almost no 20-year-old has, however, is an understanding of and real experience in how hard it is to actually do something important that’ll make a positive difference for others. What makes them creative, bold, and unencumbered also makes them naïve, lazy, and, sometimes, outright delusional. I know I was.

Spending all your time daydreaming is just one specific variation of staying in your comfort zone, but it’s a pervasive, addictive, and hard-to-get-rid-of one.

The only cure to it is to start building. To put yourself out there and risk getting rejected, failing, and running into a wall. And you will. So many walls.

“Why doesn’t anyone care about my ideas?”

“I had no idea how hard it was to sell something.”

“Damn, I didn’t think of this before.”

The only way to see what the world really needs and how you can deliver it is to live and act in reality. It’s easy to fill your head with dreams. It’s hard to pick one of them and commit to it. To show up for it again and again and again, even when, on some days, you want nothing more than to quit.

It took me three more years of all those wasted Friday nights before I would start working on what I cared about. I’m 28 now, and although the past five years have been tough, they’ve also been the most rewarding of my life.

Be humble. Work with what you’ve got. Appreciate the journey. You’ll do better. For yourself and others. Whatever you do, start building now. Your future self will thank you for it.

You Don’t Love the Boring Days

“Everything was better back when everything was worse.” That’s a funny way of saying we miss simpler times. There are many reasons why life felt easier in the past: we had fewer responsibilities, were less aware of how little we knew, and had fewer memories to manage and assemble into one coherent picture.

But there’s another, external reason, and it has to do both with life being less comfortable and us having to work hard for our dreams: we had lower expectations. Barry Schwartz says low expectations are the secret to happiness.

As you work hard and spend a good but not too large chunk of your time feeling uncomfortable, your life will suddenly become full of pleasant surprises. You’ll learn to enjoy the boring, normal days. Instead of having high hopes and being let down all the time, explore your gratification minimum.

For me, every day when I’m not sick, stressed, or plagued by emotional drama is a good day. Every day when I can have coffee, write, and spend some time with myself is a good day. Every day when I can see the sun, get some fresh air, and talk to a friend is a good day. That’s how you win. By enjoying the little things and being even more grateful for everything good that happens on top. Live off the principal, thrive on the bonus.

If you live to be 82 years old, that’s 29,930 days. Out of those 29,930 days, 26,000 will be boring. Happiness is learning to love those days.

You Don’t Know Yourself Well Enough

Here’s a fun yet important exercise: Go look at the next mirror you can find. Grab the one from your handbag, go to a restroom, or use the front camera of your phone. Heck, even your reflection in a window will do.

Once you’ve spotted your identical twin, close your eyes and take a deep breath through your nose. Exhale and open your eyes: What do you see?

What you are seeing is something I can almost guarantee you are not usually aware of. What you are looking at right this moment is your face at rest. This is the face you wear about 99% of the time. Whenever you’re walking around, watching TV, working, looking at your phone, driving in your car, or sitting in a meeting, this is the face other people see.

What kind of face is it? Is it a happy face? A neutral face? A bored face? Do you look sad or do you smile? Do the corners of your mouth tilt up or down? Are there any dimples? Do your eyes look tired?

There are 43 muscles in the human face and an infinity of small details we can observe in it. Yet, most of the time, we walk around wearing our own, having no idea what it looks like. What kind of signals it sends.

Your face at rest is the message you send into the world. It’s your job to know what that message is and what that face looks like. And if you find out you don’t like either one of them, it’s your responsibility to change.

All it takes to start doing this important work is five minutes in front of a mirror. Get to know the person inside so its reflection in the world can spread the joy and happiness it carries.

Self-awareness is the most important skill in determining what we want and how to get it. It takes practice to develop and for that practice, we must make time. Five minutes of staring at our face won’t be enough, but it’s one heck of a start.

Göke writes for dreamers, doers, and unbroken optimists. His writing on self-improvement, philosophy, and productivity has appeared on Business Insider, CNBC, Fast Company, and many more publications. He is also the owner of Four Minute Books, where he’s published over 500 non-fiction book summaries to date.

If you want to improve, you have to ask yourself the right questions.

Self-reflection is the key to all personal development. People tend to think it’s about reading the right self-help book, or attending a Tony Robbins seminar, but the truth is, personal development can happen in any moment, anytime, anywhere.

All you have to do is ask yourself the right questions, to get to the root of what’s holding you back.

Self-reflection is always top-of-mind for me. I constantly try to look back and audit how things are going, what’s working, what isn’t — and most importantly, what I need to improve upon next in order to continue growing.

Here are some of questions I’d suggest as prompts to get you thinking about how you can continue to improve as well:

1. “What was I doing a year ago?”

A fun exercise that always helps keep things in perspective is to question what you were doing a year ago.

A year ago, I was still living in Chicago. I had just left my 9–5 job and was very unsure of my future. Today, I live in Los Angeles and spend my days working with incredibly intelligent CEOs and highly successful serial entrepreneurs through my agency, Digital Press.

Looking back a single year reminds me that I have so much to be thankful for.

2. “Do I enjoy how I’m spending my time?”

If you’re not enjoying your day to day, no amount of money or external rewards will make you feel more fulfilled.

As the year comes to a close, question what really makes you feel alive and what feels like a burden. Then, question how you can remove those burdens in the months to come.

3. “Who do I spend the most time with?”

I am such a firm believer that you are a direct reflection of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

Ask yourself if you’re spending time with true friends, people who enrich your life, or casual friends, people always asking for more and giving you less.

Your friends should be people who inspire you to become a better version of yourself.

4. “How is my money being spent?”

I see money as fuel. It’s what powers your airplane and allows you to do the things you want to do in life.

A lot of people forget that there are two ways to make more money. One is to work harder and earn more. The other is to spend less. (Consumerism tends to encourage us against the latter.)

Do a quick audit of your spending habits, and see if you can get some of those impulse purchases under control.

5. “What do I want to learn next?”

I find most people reach a plateau as soon as they stop being curious, and instead fixate on doing things purely for financial gain — or the approval of others.

But curiosity never leads you astray.

Ask yourself what you want to learn next, what will make you grow beyond wherever you’re at currently, and then make decisions that allow you to nurture that curiosity.

It will only lead to good things.

6. “How are my 5 buckets being filled?”

Each of us has 5 buckets which we fill with our time.

Career

Fulfillment

Community

Personal health

Intimate relationships

It’s worth taking time to question (on a regular basis) how each of these 5 buckets are being filled. Sometimes, you’ll find you are spending far too much time being social and too little time working toward a project or a goal. Or sometimes, you’ll find you haven’t spoken to your family in months because you’ve been so busy.

Audit how your time is being spent, so that you can keep those 5 buckets as balanced as possible.

7. “How can I be more helpful — to those around me, and to myself?”

It’s taken me a long time to learn that if you can’t spend all your time trying to make everyone around you happy.

You have to prioritize keeping yourself happy too.

Which is why it’s worth questioning both, simultaneously.

What can you do to be more helpful to those around you? How can you be more encouraging, more patient? And at the same time, how can you do those same things toward yourself?

Personal development is an ongoing practice. It’s not a destination. It’s not something you do once and then you’re a “perfect person” for the rest of your life.

Personal development is your ability to continuously ask yourself these questions on a daily basis, and slowly improve over time.

Like water over rocks, who you are is sculpted over years and years.

I was at a breakfast meeting not too long ago.

Four people around a small table on the outdoor deck of a nice hotel, right on the beach, one of the women brought two boxes of avocado toast from the café.

“For us to share,” she said.

My first thought was, “How are we going to share avocado toast in those boxes?”

The man we were meeting with started talking about his venture, and as I was listening I noticed the woman tearing the lids and sides off the boxes.

When she was done, the untouched slices of avocado toasted sat on a bed of cardboard, out in the open for us to share.

I immediately chalked her up as being a smart person, and someone I would enjoy working with.

Whether we realize it or not, our actions say much more about us than words do.

We judge each other based on the way we act, not the way we say we act.

Keeping this in mind, here are 12 little things that show people you’re intelligent — without you having to say it.

1. Showing up on time.

The most simple indicator of all.

If you are late, you are disrespectful. It doesn’t matter the circumstance — unless the other party is luckily in the same boat (both of you enduring the same traffic). But still, it’s always best to be the one on time.

Rule of thumb: if you’re not early, you’re late.

2. Dressing appropriately.

Some people say, “It’s always better to be overdressed.”

I disagree.

Being overdressed is the same issue as being underdressed, except you’re probably a lot less comfortable. But they still highlight the same issue: you didn’t do enough due diligence to figure out what would be appropriate to wear.

Take the time to understand where you’re going and what the expectation is.

That way, you’ll present yourself in the best light possible.

3. Remembering the little things.

“The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.” — William Morris

If you can recall the small stuff, people will think fondly of you forever.

Something as simple as, “I got you black, no cream, because I remember you telling me you didn’t drink dairy,” can turn someone into your best friend.

And that’s because listening shows you care.

4. Holding the door open.

When I was growing up and walking beside my mother, every door we would approach she would stand in front of and wait.

She would wait for me to open it for her.

I love that she taught me that.

Such a small act, with any human being, shows your willingness to put others before yourself.

5. The art on your walls.

Ever walk into an office, or someone’s home and think, “Wow, this person must be fascinating.”

How you keep your space shows others what speaks to you. What motivates you. What interests you, and what you believe is worth looking at on a daily basis.

Choose things that give depth to your character.

6. Your shoes.

This isn’t about buying what’s most expensive, or what’s trendy.

Your style of shoes say a lot about you, as a person. They are one of the few things a person can wear that is clearly representative of their personality. For example, someone could be wearing old jeans and a t-shirt, but with nice shoes, you immediately classify them as someone who is deliberate.

Your shoes say a lot about you.

7. When you take notes.

The most obvious example happens with a restaurant server.

An unintelligent restaurant server will try to impress you by not taking out their notepad to jot down your order. An intelligent server will realize they have far more to lose than they do to gain by taking this risk, and will make notes as needed.

The same goes for just about anything in life. Why risk your friend’s pickup order? Why risk your boss’s coffee request? Why risk losing your business partner’s ideas from the meeting?

Taking notes shows you would rather things get done, and done right.

8. The state of your desktop.

How vulnerable do you feel showing someone your desktop?

If there are files everywhere, that’s a clear sign you’re disorganized and out of sorts.

But imagine someone looking at a clean, well-organized desktop with a handful of clearly labeled folders.

What sort of conclusion would they draw about you?

9. Spending money wisely.

I’m all for enjoying yourself, but how you spend your money is a very clear reflection of your values as a person.

Who you spend it on.

Where and when.

This can say a lot about you — whether you always realize it or not.

10. How you invest your time.

The activities you call your own are arguably the most powerful indicator to your priorities as a person.

Do you spend your time working on yourself? Or do you squander it trying to remain distracted from the things that truly matter?

We are all a reflection of how we invest our time.

11. The foods you eat.

Your body is your temple.

What you eat and how you prioritize taking care of yourself says more about you than you might realize. It shows what matters to you (instant gratification or long-term health). It shows discipline, consistency. And it speaks volumes about the relationship you have with yourself.

You are what you eat.

12. Your circle of friends.

“You are the reflection of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Who we associate with speaks volumes about our outlook on life, our beliefs, our goals, and what we find most important in life.

If you want to meet the right people, hang around the right people.

And if you want to improve yourself, spend time with people who value self-improvement.

Most of us would like to think the best of ourselves: that we are good and kind but look around honey, we don’t have angel wings and so there is no way we are that perfect.

This is why some of us have the tendency to be judgemental. However, before we go any further, let us find out what exactly it means to be judgemental.

Being judgemental is about being excessively critical of others and leaning towards a condemnatory outlook most of the time. If it is a balanced trait (i.e. you are able to be objective in your critical analysis and not infuse your personal bias) then, it is not a terrible trait.

The problem is when it is excessive. So, how do you know if you are being over the top with your judgemental trait?

1. You are always more focused on people’s flaws

When someone does something wrong, you just can’t get over it. Somehow, you keep going over it and focusing on all the person’s shortcomings even if the person has done something right before.

2. You always assume conclusions

You are quick to add the 1 plus 1 and often, you are not doing so with enough information. In the end, you have jumped to a conclusion, often a negative conclusion about a matter/person.

3. You have high standards for those around you

You always have certain expectations of others and if you asked them what they thought of these expectations, they will most definitely say that it is too high.

4. You see in black and white

You don’t believe in the greys in life. Everything is as simple as black and white to you, meaning that something/someone is either good or bad; you don’t accept any other explanations.

Beginning to sound like you? We shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Let’s finish the article in the next installment and then we’ll see if it is truly you.

Read 12 Things your parents told you that are valuable life lessons (ii)

Yes, yes, we have heard so much about personality types before. It is like almost every day, psychologists keep coming up with more categories but then, it is always fun to go through the list, trying to figure out which you and your loved ones fit into.

On those nights that NEPA does its thing, you could always sit around in a group to figure where each person belongs.

1. The agreeable one

Everyone would love this personality type because they are often trustworthy, kind and affectionate. They usually like to engage in volunteer work and other altruistic projects. The pitfall is that other people tend to view this personality type as naïve and passive, making them take advantage of those with this personality.

2. The conscientious one

If you are familiar with the 4 temperaments then this personality is most closely associated with the melancholy. The person with this personality is dependable, efficient and organized. He/she tends to be a high flyer but on the other hand, others may view this person as stubborn or obsessive so they may find working with him/her difficult.

3. The open one

It is good to be open, is it not? Usually, people who fall in this category have a wide variety of interests and are more likely to be adventurous. They are often creative, with vivid imaginations and in search of new experiences. People like them are spontaneous and are often the life of the party. On the other hand, they can be viewed as unpredictable and unfocused, making people assume they are not reliable.

How do you like the list so far? If you have not found one that describes you, that is not a problem. There are two more, which I will discuss in the sequel to this article.

4. The extrovert

Now, this is a familiar term, right? This person always brings a lot of energy into a room. They call attention to themselves, even if unconsciously because they are usually talkative and enthusiastic. They are usually on their best when they are in the spotlight. Others might view them as attention-seeking and domineering.

5. The neurotic one

This personality type experiences a lot of extremes when it comes to the mood. One moment they could be all excited and pleasant and then the next moment, they are irritable. They are highly reactive. Others may view them as unstable and insecure.

Now what?

Having identified your personality type, you may be wondering what comes next. Well, you should know that any aspect of your personality you don’t like can be improved upon. Now, that you know the weaknesses of each personality, you know what to focus on.

Read 5 Steps to Designing Your Life Wisely

I get it, almost everyone has of in a lie or two, so we might not have the luxury of pointing accusing fingers at people who have an MSc. in lying.

While you as an individual might give a white lie or two some days just to save your head at work or get away with something, the varying reasons why other persons out there lie their way through things will come off as a shock to you.

The lie matter to them

Like, with some persons, it’s just so important they field a lie or two in every statement they make; some discreet ones and the less obvious ones. And believe you me, it’s not about you at all but their psychological frame of mind, where peddling lies is their life.

Admitting the truth means losing control 

They also want to be on top of every argument, and if that means lying their way through? By all means, yes.

They don’t want to lose face value

Okay, now this is them thinking about what others will think about them when they actually reveal truths rather than fables. Pathological or sociopathic liars want to be loved and respected, and sometimes telling the truth won’t get them that.

They don’t see a lie as a lie

True that. When under pressure, some individuals are forced to believe things they think up in their heads as the truth. Their desire to make things work out while under extreme stress or pressure overwhelms their memory, the scenarios constructed in their brain now becomes their truth.

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Are you consciously designing your life? Do you really understand what that means and how to do it?

This matters because, in a time when online marketers are pitching their services or products, promising that they’ll give you the time and financial freedom you need to create your “life by design,” it is important for you to have an understanding of what designing your life actually looks like, and how to do it effectively.

The problem is that, while it sounds great in theory, most people don’t understand what it means to create a life by design, and they do not have the first clue where to start to make that happen.

For that reason, I’m going to share with you 5 steps for designing your life in a way that is both sustainable and wise.

Step 1: Get Clear on What You Want

At the core of designing your life is the question of what you actually want and what will help you to wake up excited to live every day. In order to achieve this, you have to get clear on exactly what you want.

It seems like common sense, right? Well, common sense isn’t always common practice.

We live in a society where people are overwhelmed with the inputs, thoughts, beliefs, and opinions of others. Not to mention, the environments we are routinely in impact our values, beliefs, and desires on a deep level.

Because of that, it becomes very easy to lose touch with who we are and what we want in life among all the noise.

That’s why seeking clarity is so important.

Clarity is foundational to designing the life you desire to live because without it, the desires and expectations that everyone else has for your life will take over.

In order to design your life, you have to break free from the stories of your past that have told you who you are and what you should want. The only effective way to do that is by seeking clarity.

I always advise my clients to first get crystal clear on who they are and/or who they’d like to be. Then, out of that truth, determine what it is that you desire most in your life.

Step 2: Create a Plan

Once you’ve gotten clarity on exactly what you want in your life, the real “design” work comes when you create a plan to achieve those desires.

If you’re not sure how what a good plan may include, this article is a good place to start.

Think about your life like a beautiful work of architecture.

A bunch of builders didn’t just walk out there one day and start throwing things together in hopes that something nice would turn out.

No, they did the tedious work of mapping out every single detail of that structure, and they did it long before they ever even broke ground on building it.

Your life is much like that. One of the biggest reasons people never get to live the lives they desire is because they are unwilling to do the necessary work of creating a plan to get there.

Nothing great in life is accomplished without a rock solid plan.

Yes, hard work, perseverance, and belief are all essential parts of you effectively creating and living the life you desire, but all of those are for naught if there isn’t a plan in place for designing your life.

Be like the architect and take the time to create the plan before you start, metaphorically, breaking ground, swinging hammers, and constructing anything of significance in your life.

Otherwise, you may find that the structure you’ve built isn’t the one you had hoped for.

Step 3: Be Flexible and Open-minded

When it comes to designing your life, you must have a plan — we have already established that.

However, even though there is a plan in place, those who live the most fulfilled and joyful lives are those who are flexible and open-minded to change and new opportunities.^[1]

One of the downsides to planning is that, because you invest so much time, energy, and effort into creating it, you can get rigid about following it to a T.

The problem is that life is always evolving and changing, and it is that fluid nature of life that brings uncertainty and adventure into the picture.

Therefore, the plans you make today may no longer be relevant tomorrow.

You may have plans of going back to school to further your education, but an opportunity to step into entrepreneurship may come available.

Accomplishing some big goal may be in your plans, but a bigger goal may present itself, or the original goal may no longer be of interest to you.

In both of those scenarios, being dogmatic about carrying out the original plan may be a detriment to future opportunities.

The main point in all of this is that when it comes to designing your life, you absolutely want to have a plan in place, but you must also keep an open heart and open mind.

That is where the adventure in life lies.

Step 4: Say “No” More Often

If you take away nothing else from this article, this may be the one piece of wisdom you want to hold on to.

We live in a society where “busy” is celebrated. The problem is, when busy becomes your default way of living, the things you care most about have a way of getting buried under other stuff.

That’s why the subtle art of learning to say no more often is necessary if you want to start designing your life.

One truth about life is that we only get so much of it. Another truth is, we don’t know how much we get. And one last truth is that you can’t do two things at once — at least not effectively.

If you add all of those together, that means with the unknown, limited time you have, you’re either designing your life, or you are falling victim to what Brendon Burchard calls “other people’s agendas.”

We live in a culture where “no” has a negative connotation. Because of that, most people grow up lacking the ability to effectively take a stand for their time and confidently say no to something.

Whether it’s due to a fear of upsetting someone or letting someone down, or the dreaded fear of missing out (FOMO), people just aren’t great at saying no.

However, if you truly want to design your life as you desire for it to be, it’s imperative that you take back control of your time and agenda.

The best way to do that is to develop the skill of saying no more often.

Step 5: Understand That Failure Is Part of the Process

There it is, the dreaded “F” word — failure.

Most people live in fear of failure, and that fear stifles their ability to go after the true goals, dreams, and aspirations. However, if you want to be able to design your life, you must not only accept that failure is going to be part of the process, but you must also learn to embrace it.

I’ll tell you why: it is through the failures in life that we often learn our greatest lessons and are able to achieve more growth.

You see, most people don’t take time to reflect upon their wins to figure out what went well that allowed them to win. And they definitely don’t take time to evaluate what they can do better the next time.

However, when people fail, they tend to be a bit more reflective, especially regarding why they failed in the first place.

If you can learn to dig into your failures a bit more and see them as learning opportunities, you will set yourself up for long-term success.

One of the biggest problems with failure is that people see it as a stop sign. They think that is the end of the road. Failure doesn’t have to be that way though.

If you want to start designing your life, start thinking of failure as a yield — a place where you pause, evaluate the situation, and proceed when you’re ready.

When you can learn to view failure in this way, you start to understand the benefits of it, and once you can understand its benefits, you’ll not only stop fearing failure, but you’ll start embracing it.

Conclusion

Living a life by design is absolutely possible. However, you have to remember that it is a conscious process.

Just like with architecture, great works don’t happen by accident. It’s through conscious, intentional action that someone is able to design and live the life they desire.

By engaging with the 5 steps outlined here, you’ll be effective and actually enjoy the process of designing your life.